Tuesday, March 04, 2014

In Dinosaur Heaven, There Are No Tears for Us

In Dinosaur Heaven, there are no tears for us.  The ankylosaurus is not grieved to see us heading to ecological catastrophe.  Just the opposite.  He's rooting for it.

Don't you understand, they want to see us fail.  They've watched us unearth their bones and assemble them in our natural history museums, make plastic models of them for our children to play with, make movies and books about them.  We always thought, "Dinosaurs are so neat!"  We thought we were paying them tribute.  But the dinosaurs in heaven don't see it that way.  To them it was just another way of pointing out they're extinct and we're not.  Every time they saw a six-year-old with a dinosaur pop-up book, it was like we were saying, "Losers!"  All the diplodici and stegosauri tried to act like it didn't hurt.  But it did.  It hurt.

But now the shoe is on the other foot.

What makes it especially sweet is one of the agents of our destruction is fossil fuels.  The triceratops laughs thinking that his decomposed remains provided the petroleum with which we are destroying the planet.  This is not strictly true; fossil fuels were formed 300 hundred million years ago, and dinosaurs didn't appear until about seventy million years after that, but the triceratops doesn't know that, because it never went to school.

So there's nothing to spoil the irony for all the dinosaurs in Dinosaur Heaven.