Dennis Rodman Explains Himself

Happy "Believed-to-Be Birthday,"
Kim!

Rodman brought a team of fellow former National Basketball Association stars to Pyongyang, to mark leader Kim Jong Un's birthday, which is believed to fall on Wednesday. The games come just after execution of Kim's uncle Jang Song Thaek, who was one of the most powerful figures in North Korea. During an interview with CNN, Rodman seemed to say that Korean-American missionary Kenneth Bae, held in North Korea since May 2013 was responsible for his own situation. "If you understand what Kenneth Bae did .... Do you understand what he did in this country? Why is he held captive in this country?" (Reuters)

Here's the thing people don't get about Kim.  Sure he's a dictator (air quotes) sure he's a monster (air quotes) who kills (air quotes) without mercy or conscience, but deep down, do they understand what kind of man Kim Jong Un is?  Have they taken the time to understand the person?

When you get right down to it, Kim is a very, very lonely man.  Sure, he's surrounded by sycophants and ass-kissers who will do whatever he tells them, but that's not the same as real friendship.  Believe me, I've experienced.  Deep down, Kim knows they only hang with him because they're afraid he'll kill them if they don't.  And it wouldn't do any good for Kim to ask them, "Why do you hang out with me?" because they'd only say, "It's not because we're afraid to die, oh no!  We really like you!  We think you're terrific!"  But Kim knows the score.  That's why he and I are so tight.  He can't kill me, so he knows my friendship isn't based on fear.  It's because he pays me.  It's a whole different sort of thing.

And everyone makes a big deal about Kim executing his own uncle, like he's the only one who ever did that before.  They're all like, Kim murdered Jang Song because he didn't clap enthusiastically enough, that's terrible!  Well, just stop and think about how Kim felt about it.  Here's Uncle Jang, barely putting his hands together after Kim just awarded himself another honor, and he's Kim's own uncle and knows Kim can have him killed, and he still gives half-ass applause.  That kind of thing hurts, man, you try not to let it show, but it hurts.

And Kenneth Bae, do you know what Kenneth Bae did, do you really know?  No, you don't ,do you?  Well, I don't know either because he's in a North Korean prison, and no one talks to nobody in a North Korean prison.  So we don't know what he did, but people get all judgy like he's sooo innocent, though we can't know for sure what he did because he's not allowed to talk to anyone.  So get off your high horse, people.  And you can bet whatever he did, it hurt Kim's feelings really bad, but no one ever thinks about that, do they?

So, yeah, I'm going to play hoops in North Korea.  Why?  Because I'm getting paid, and because Kim is my close personal friend, and because Wednesday is believed to be his birthday.  That means he's believed to be a Capricorn.  Jesus was believed to be a Capricorn, too, man.  You know what Capricorns are like, deep down?  They work hard to prove themselves because deep down they feel they aren't worthy.  If they can just learn to love themselves man, they can let go of all the negativity and be truly happy.  Think about it.