My Way with Women

In case anyone is interested, I am herewith sharing my courtship secrets.  Here it is: Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration.  I mean, I cling to my woman like the Titanic was going down and she was the last black inner tube.  Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration cannot be practiced by just anyone, however.  It takes extreme patience and dedication.  The typical reaction of the woman comes in FIVE STAGES.

STAGE ONE: The woman somewhat enjoys it, but thinks, "He can't keep this up much longer."

STAGE TWO: The woman begins to feel annoyance tempered with astonishment just how persistent your Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration is.

STAGE THREE: The woman no longer feels astonished, but merely annoyed.

STAGE FOUR: The woman learns to ignore it, in much the same way as she learns to ignore the incessant yipping of the neighbor's Jack Russell.

STAGE FIVE: The woman relents and returns your Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration with Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration of her own.

Lacking any imagination or smooth romantic technique, I have never used any courtship method but Absolute Fawning Puppy-ish Adoration.  It has won me the hand of the woman who has been married to me thirty-one years.  I figure she should be entering into STAGE FIVE any day now.