This is not a fashion statement, nor a protest over the exploitation of penguins in "cute penguin" videos you see on Facebook. I am wearing this penguin under doctor's orders.
Yes, this is a Medical Penguin.
While controversial, the use of Medical Penguins has gained wider acceptance for a variety of symptoms such as migraine, male-pattern baldness, and hoof-in-mouth disease. This is not to say that Prescription Penguins are without their side-effects. Penguins have cold feet, and their fecal matter - while rich in health-giving fish oils - must be shampooed out daily and can stain the shirt collar. Dry mouth, uncontrollable sexual urges, thoughts of suicide, changes in behavior, impulsive gambling are other potential side-effects. My doctor said if I had an erection lasting more than four hours, I should contact him right away, but I think he was asking for personal reasons of his own.
Many of these same symptoms may also affect the penguin. In fact, recently I have learned that the penguin on my head is there under orders from a zoo veterinarian. Frankly, I'm beginning to worry we've both been sold a bill of goods.
Which brings us back to the question, why I have a penguin on my head in the first place. Like many existential questions - why do we fall in love, why do we live and die, why do we have penguins on our heads - the answer is both simple and complex.
I have a penguin on my head because if I didn't, you'd have to find a different question to ask.
I have a penguin on my head because I have a penguin on my head.
It's none of your business why I have a penguin on my head, now go away.
I have a penguin on my head? Oh my God, I thought it was a puffin!
In truth, I cannot know just why I have a penguin on my head any more than I can know the answers to other conundrums - Is there a God? What is the destiny of humankind? Where did I put my glasses? These questions and others must go forever unanswered, but in a broader sense, don't we
all have penguins on our heads?