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Monday, January 16, 2012

Jason the Conclusion January 16

In the end, Jason never did amount to much.  He seemed to do fine as long as he was defending helpless old men from harpies or helping old ladies across the stream, but when it came to looking after himself, he was worse than useless.  He finally found a kingdom that wanted him, Corinth, a real plum.  Princess Glauce – or possibly Creusa 1 - fell in love with him and wanted to marry him.  This presented a small difficulty in that Jason was already married to Medea and had a couple of sons.  But Jason went ahead with the wedding, even accepting a beautiful bridal gown from Medea as a gift.  Now this was beyond stupid.  Jason had already witnessed Medea chop her own brother up and toss him into the sea, and knew how she tricked his father into jumping into a pot of boiling water, but he goes ahead and takes a gown from her.  If he’d learned one thing, he should've learned don’t cross Medea.  Anyhow, Glauce or Creusa puts on the robe and sure enough it seals itself to her skin and then bursts into flames.  The entire palace is consumed along with all the wedding guests except for Jason; the magic of the robe spares him because Medea has a little surprise waiting for him at home.  When Jason returns, angry as Ricky Ricardo ever was with Lucy, he finds Medea drenched in blood.  She’s just killed his two boys and waited all day for him to come home and see.  Satisfied with Jason’s reaction, Medea flies off on a chariot pulled by two dragons. 2 Jason lives to an unhappy old age, and finally, sleeping in the shadow of the Argo where he had his best days, he is struck and killed by the collapsing prow. 3

1. Even Jason couldn't keep her name straight.
2. She always knew how to make an exit.
3. And it served him right.


  1. Medea's Daycare! Man, this was hilarious!

  2. No comment on that deus ex machina ending?