Retirement Plans

Me in Retirement Seeing a Polar Bear
in Sunny, Sunny Alaska

Okay, so when I retire, I'll finally be able to afford a condo on Kiawah Island, except by that time, Kiawah will be underwater, so that's out.  I always wanted to see the Great Barrier Reef, but that'll be gone too.  I was never especially enchanted by the idea of an Alaskan cruise, which is a good thing, because by the time I retire, Alaska will be pretty much the same as Newark.

I might feel a little guilty jetting around to the few remaining natural wonders worth seeing, contributing to Global Warming, and thereby their destruction.  Instead I could stay put and raise honeybees, if there's any left, and maybe create a frog pond - frogs are endangered by a fungus pandemic.  I could use my retirement income putting solar panels on the roof, even though I'll never recoup the cost, warming myself in the glow that I've at least tried to make the world a better place.  While I'm at it, I could install a wind turbine in the front yard.  The neighbors might complain, but I'd say, "Hey, I'm least I'm trying!"

On the other hand.

If Kiawah goes underwater, then maybe there'll be some new islands formed - I mean, as the water level rises, parts of the mainland ought to turn into islands, right?  And the Great Barrier Reef, I mean, I'm not that big into snorkeling anyway.  As far as I know, Australia will still have koalas, right?  I'd much rather see a koala than a clown fish anyway.  And Alaska.  I was never that keen on Alaska anyway, like I said. 

So screw the frogs and the honeybee idea.  I don't like honey that much.  And frankly, what's a frog ever done for me?  I won't have to hear my neighbors complaining about my wind turbine, and best of all, I can fly around the world, what's left of it, like I always dreamed.

I can hardly wait.