Help! Common Core is Turning Me Gay!

Van Zant giving a clarion call to the nation's concerned parents.

State Rep. Charles Van Zant (R) said the American Institutes for Research, which has been assigned to develop Common Core-based tests for Florida, "are promoting as hard as they can, any youth that is interested in the LGBT agenda." These people that will now receive $220 million from the state of Florida, unless this is stopped, will promote double-mindedness in state education and will attract every one of your children to become as homosexual as they possibly can," Van Zant said.  - Huffington Post

My name is Billy Preston and I am in Third Grade, Ft Pierce Elementary.  I believe Common Core is turning me gay.  I have told my parents and they don't believe me.  Then I showed them this math problem.

"Jim has eight people coming to his house, but he has only five apples to share with them.  Jim has wavy brown hair and dark moody eyes that seem to say, "Don't hurt me, please!"  His hands are strong but gentle.  His skin is wonderfully smooth.  You want to touch it don't you?"

Dad didn't believe me.  "What are you talking about?  All he has to do is cut the apples into eighths and give each kid five eighths so they'll all get a fair share."  But Mom said, "No, honey, can't you see?  It's a trick question.  You forgot to count Jim himself.  Jim should cut the apples into ninths."  Dad chuckled, "Ha-ha, you're right.  Pretty tricky.  Still, I'd like to meet someone like Jim with his wavy brown hair and touchable skin."

Then yesterday, there was this question on a Civics quiz:

Who can propose a new law?

A. A member of the House of Representatives, provided he is already gay.

B. Any gay citizen of voting age.

C. Anyone at all, because that's the miracle of democracy, where we will all become gay as fast as we possibly can.

Then there's my Spanish homework.  I have to learn to pronounce the following sentences.

Es usted homosexual?

Si, soy homosexual.  Y usted?

No, no soy homosexual, pero quiero apprender ser homosexual.

Apprende ser homosexual rapidemente.  Esta importante!

I don't know what it means.  Our teacher says we'll find out tomorrow.  But I'm worried.