How to Be Funny

The Fundamentals of Comedy were Developed by
the Ancient Greeks

People ask me all the time how I got such a reputation for being funny.  What they really say is, "You think you're funny don't you?" or "What makes you think you're funny?" or "Someone must have told you you were funny."

Well, lucky for you, I'm about to share some of my sure-fire secrets that go into being a laugh-riot.

SURPRISE: As Socrates said, "Surprise is the spring of all that is comic."  This was just before Plato put a tack in his chair.  So the next time someone says something like, "How do I get to Broadway?" hit him with a big raw flounder.  It'll surprise him, and you'll both get a big laugh.

REPETITION: Repeating something makes it funny.  Repeating something makes it funny.  Repeating something makes it funny.  Repeating something makes it funny.  Pretty amusing, right?  Now imagine how hilarious it would be if I said it 673 times.

JUXTAPOSITION: This is when something you don't expect is where you do expect it, or it's something you do expect where you don't or something.  Take for example, the old Milton Berle TV show.  Milton Berle would come out dressed as a woman, only he'd be smoking a cigar.  This was funny because no one expected Milton Berle to have his own TV show.

REVERSAL: Kind of like juxtaposition only not.  Like you're expecting one thing, and just the opposite happens.  Like you ask someone how to get to Broadway and he hits you with a big wet dead fish.  Hi-larious.

WORD PLAY: A lot of words have more than one meaning - for us jokesters, this a a comedy gold mine.  For example the phrase, "My mamma has salami," sounds exactly like an Arabic phrase meaning, "Please hit me with a fish."  Now all you got to do is carry a dead flounder around hoping someone will talk about their mother's cold cuts.