Things I am Thankful For

I am thankful I am not Kim Jong-un's relative

I am thankful I don't have an Advent Calendar where instead of a little chocolate behind every door, there's like a scorpion or a stink bomb or something.  Do they even make Advent Calendars like that?  I hope not.

I am thankful I am not one of Kim Jong-un's relatives.  Can you imagine trying to get a Christmas present for that guy?  Not only does he already have everything, he has the authority to get you executed.  I bet no one ever gives him a fruitcake.

I am thankful I don't live next door to Megyn Kelly.  Sorry, Megyn, but Jesus was definitely not white.  At least not as white as you.  If Jesus tried to go through an airport, he'd for sure be profiled and strip-searched.

I am thankful that all the terrible things that have happened to other people haven't happened to me, at least not yet.  Sorry, Other People, just keepin' it real.

I am thankful I will not live forever.  I've been following trends of Global Warming, deforestation, and population growth, and I'm glad to say I won't be around for the worst of it.

Thanks.