Ask any of my friends, they'll say, "Oh, yeah, I got a pair of Man's eyeglasses. He left them here last time he visited. I'm just holding onto them until he returns."
Why, you ask, have I amassed such a fortune in eyeglasses, am I mad? Or brilliant? Years ago I had just one pair of eyeglasses. They were the first pair I'd ever owned. How proud I was, like a new poppa who's just given birth to black frames and a pair of lenses. They were prescription, and I'd spent the afternoon having my eyes dilated so I could get them. I'd also spent sixty-five dollars. The eye doctor had told me all sorts of fascinating things about my glasses - the frames were a special plastic alloy, the lenses were bullet-proof, stuff like that. One thing he didn't tell me was don't put your eyeglasses in your back pocket. This is a thing you'd think eye doctors would be required to say. You'd think eyeglass labels would have a silhouette of a dumbass putting glasses in his back pocket with a red bar - the international symbol for "Don't do this, dumbass!" going straight through it.
Short story long, I sat down with them in my back pocket. Do you remember the scene in Gone With the Wind when Scarlet O'Hara holds a turnip up to the sky and vows, "With God as my witness, I'll never go hungry again!" Well, it was the same thing with me, only with a pair of eyeglasses, and I was swearing I'd never go without eyeglasses again. Actually, I wasn't swearing anything that specific, I was just swearing. It was more like *!!##@%&!.
So that's my story. Every time I go to the Dollar Store, I stand at the little Dollar-Store-Eyechart, and buy four or five more pairs. And now, Casa Martin is pretty much an Eyeglass-o-Rama, and when I put a pair in my pocket, or step on them, or inadvertently run over them with a steamroller, I just laugh. Plenty more where those came from, I say, plenty more where those came from.
