Ask Taro Aso

Japan's deputy prime minister has been forced to apologise for saying old people should "hurry up and die" to unburden the nation's economy.  Taro Aso, who is 72, also called people with serious illnesses "tube persons", reports Japan's Kyodo News. At a meeting of the National Council on Social Security Reforms on Monday, Aso said: "Heaven forbid if you are forced to live on when you want to die." - Huffington Post

DEAR TARO ASO: I am the single mother of identical twin boys. They insist on dressing alike and use their own secret language. I have always had trouble telling them apart. When they were young, it was cute, but as they are growing older I'm starting to worry. They're 12. When they oversleep, they shower together to save time. Their teacher took me aside during a conference and said they seem to be overly affectionate with each other and might benefit from some time with a masculine role model. When I questioned her, she said there is gossip that they were seen touching and possibly even kissing. My research has brought up the idea of "twincest," and I am worried my boys may be falling into these habits. How would you suggest making them stop? Everyone keeps suggesting separation, but they share a room and I don't have another one or the money to build one. Help! -- MOM WITH TWO MUCH TROUBLE

DEAR MOM: Your course is clear. These boys need to get with the program and die and quit being such a burden to you.  The fact they're twins makes it twice as bad.  Quit extending their misery. - TARO ASO

DEAR TARO ASO: I wear dentures. I have never gone out in public without them. However, I have seen people I know take them out in restaurants, etc. It is not only awful to look at, but don't they realize how they look? Am I shallow for not wanting anyone to see me without my "smile"? Is there some social etiquette that's being broken? -  TOOTHLESS IN COLORADO

DEAR TOOTHLESS: It isn't shallow to be concerned about your appearance.  What's shallow is going on living and being a burden to the entire restaurant.  When your teeth fall out, it's God's way of saying "Time's up!"  Elephants know this and go off to die where they won't be a bother to the others.  Please do likewise.  - TARO ASO

DEAR TARO ASO: I'm a college student and still live with my parents. My two older sisters moved out years ago. I never asked them why, but I'm sure it's because our father is emotionally abusive. He talks down to us and makes us feel inadequate. He has belittled my mother for years, to the point that she doesn't bother arguing with him anymore. She used to play music all the time, but she's now afraid to "bother anybody." I can honestly say I never loved my father, and I wish Mom had divorced him years ago. The few times I have tried to talk to him, he overreacted and accused me of being a drama queen who blows things out of proportion. He's almost 60 but has the emotional depth of a spoiled, angry 12-year-old. How can I convince Mom that leaving him will do her more good than harm? -- NO LOVE FOR DAD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NO LOVE FOR DAD: Clearly there are a few people around your house who need to hurry up and die and stop being such a burden.  For starters, you mother.  If she doesn't play music anymore, what good is she?  Time for the a dirt-nap, Mom.  And you.  A college student living at home?  Why prolong your misery.  As for your Dad, it sounds to me like he's still got a few good years left in him.  Quit being such a drama queen and drop dead. - TARO ASO