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Tuesday, September 1, 2015

Physical Therapy

The latest on my torn ACL is that if I do physical therapy to strengthen my leg and improve my balance, maybe I won't need surgery and can still do a triathlon sprint with Spencer next summer, so I'm in there twice a week, doing whatever they tell me, which is frankly pretty weird.  The stationary bike and the leg presses make perfect sense, but the part where I stand on one leg on a a little trampoline and go up and down feels just a little silly.  I asked my physical therapist about this.

ME: Do you ever get bored with your job?

THERAPIST: Well, sometimes, I guess.  It's like any other routine after awhile.  You know.

ME: Do you ever think of messing with your patients?

THERAPIST: I don't know what you're talking about.

ME: Do you ever make up crazy stuff for them to do, just to see how much they'll fall for.

THERAPIST: Absolutely not.  That would be against the Physical Therapist Code of Ethics.

ME: Okay.  Good.  It's just that sometimes...

THERAPIST: What?

ME: Well, some of the stuff you make me do is pretty weird.

THERAPIST: Like what?

ME: Like making me hold a ping-pong ball between my knees and walk back and forth across the room like Jerry Lewis.

THERAPIST: This is to strengthen the anterior delteus gluteal cortinoid.  I've explained this.

ME: Yes, okay.  But why do I have to wear the chicken suit?

THERAPIST: Look, do you want to get better or not?

ME: I want to get better, I want to get better... Hey, what are you doing with that I-Phone?  Are you videotaping this?

THERAPIST: No.  Well, yes.  A little.  It's for your medical records.

ME: Well, that's okay then.

THERAPIST: Say, do you think you could flap your arms a little?  Say this phrase for me: buck-buck-bacaw.

(Originally posted 2012)

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