|Artist's Recreation of an Event That May or|
May Not Have Actually Occurred
Being a living legend in my own time, I frequently find things attributed to me which either were greatly exaggerated, done by other people, or never occurred at all. This is a natural consequence of being so admired and wide-spreadedly beloved as I am, and it happens all the time to lots of other historical characters. For example, George Washington did indeed cross the Potomac, but never did he - as legend asserts - throw a silver dollar across it. Nor did he, as some believe, shout, "Hey, Wally! Watch me hit that rock!" These stories, charming as they are, we must consign to the realm of pleasant folktale.
Likewise with me.
So when you hear stories of my comic misadventures - especially from my wife - take them with a grain of salt. If she tells you that on one occasion I tracked the floors with shoes that were not only crusted with chicken poop, but were visibly trailing large fluffy chicken feathers, take a moment to stop and consider. Is such a thing really probable? Wouldn't any person of ordinary intelligence have occasion to look down and see his sneakers festooned like an Indian head-dress in a John Wayne movie? Likewise, she may tell you - if you're chump enough to believe her - that I recently trimmed a chicken's wings over the kitchen sink. Now ask yourself, what sort of lunatic would bring a live chicken into the house at all, leave alone clip her wings over the sink - which is used in the preparation of food, mind you - with kitchen shears?
I'm not saying I did do these things, I am not saying I didn't; I merely point out that certain people are prone to exaggeration and I encourage you to draw your own conclusions.