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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

An Open Letter to God

I'm not complaining, but is this
really the best you could think of?
I do not wish to complain, because I'm sure You have thought this through more carefully than I, but it strikes me that the whole deal of death and dying could have been arranged a lot more simply.  The death part I'll take as a given.  Frankly, I don't really understand why people have to die, but I'll assume You have Your reasons.  But the dying part - honestly, was that the best You could come up with?

To begin with, it takes so lo-o-ong.  Like I'm only fifty-five, and I'm sure my actual death is a long way off, but I'm already starting to die.  Take for example, the backs of my hands which are now covered with these weird spots.  I know these are not likely to be fatal in themselves, but they're one of Your little signs, aren't they?  "You're going to die, sucker!  The clock is running!"  Ditto for my baldness and my poop, which now stinks exactly like my dad's.  My dad's, who by the way, is dead.  These and numerous other little tip-offs remind me on an increasingly regular basis that I am mortal.

Message received, Lord, thanks for the heads up.

But why draw it out so much?  If an orgasm is over in about .05 seconds, why should death be drawn out over - depending on who's counting - four to twenty years?  It seems to me that You could have easily altered the timing of those two in favor of orgasms.  Couldn't an orgasm last at least a week, and couldn't the dying part of death and dying be over in, say, a couple of days?  Like Tuesday, you develop a bad cough, and Wednesday you're dead?  Once we're dead, we're dead forever anyway, so why do you have to start us dying when we're still in our fifties?

The other problem is, dying hurts.  It hurts like a bitch.  I haven't done it myself, of course, but I've seen other people doing it, and it doesn't look like fun.  Again, back to my orgasm example - and good job on the orgasms by the way, no complaint there - but why does something that feels so good last such a short time, and something that drags on for years hurt so bad?  What's up with that, really?

Again, I'm not complaining, I just don't understand Your reasoning.  And if you find some of my suggestions useful, vis-a-vis orgasms versus dying, feel free to use them.

With Best Wishes and Amen,

Man


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