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Monday, November 3, 2014

We Need to Read These Suckers More Carefully

BY CHECKING THE BOX BELOW YOU AGREE TO THE FOLLOWING TERMS AND CONDITIONS AS SET FORTH BY MINOSOFT INC
1. THIS SOFTWARE IS FOR INDIVIDUAL USE ONLY - IT MAY NOT BE RESOLD, LEASED, RENTED, LENT, SUBLEASED, BORROWED, BEGGED OR STOLEN BY ANY ENTITIES FOREIGN, DOMESTIC, OR OTHERWISE.
2.  MINOSOFT INC WILL NOT PROVIDE YOUR PERSONAL INFORMATION TO A THIRD PARTY UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES EXCEPT FOR MINOSOFT SUBSIDIARIES, OR REQUESTED BY THE NATIONAL SECURITY ADMINISTRATION OR OTHER GOVERNMENT BODY, OR UNLESS PAID A SUBSTANTIAL FEE, OR IF WE JUST HAPPEN TO LEAVE IT LYING AROUND AND SOMEONE SEES IT, OR WE GET HACKED, OR A FRIEND OF OURS IS IN RHODESIA AND HAS AN EMERGENCY WHERE THEY NEED SUCH ACCOUNT INFORMATION URGENTLY.
3. MARS NEEDS WOMEN.
4. LICENSEE AGREES TO PROVIDE PAYMENT IN A TIMELY MANNER AND IF WE HAPPEN TO BE COMING THROUGH YOUR TOWN LET US "CRASH" AT YOUR PLACE OR IF OUR OLD LADY THROWS US OUT AGAIN AND WE NEED A PLACE TO STAY UNTIL WE GET OUR HEAD TOGETHER.
5. YOUR FIRST BORN CHILD.
6. A BUCKET OF GOAT'S BLOOD (WARM AND FRESH) SHALL BE OFFERED AT THE ALTAR OF HR'THRULOP, ELDRITCH GOD OF CHAOS, ALONG WITH AROMATIC HERBS APPROPRIATE FOR BURNING ON EACH SOLSTICE AND EQUINOX BY THE LIGHT OF THE BLOOD MOON, AND THE LICENSEE SHALL CHANT, 'HR'THULOP, HR'THULOP, AIYEE NABOTH C'TUM, AIYEE NABOTH C'TUM.'
7. IF WE ASK YOU TO GO UP AND HIT SOMEONE, JUST WALK UP TO A RANDOM PERSON WE HAVE SELECTED AND SMACK HIM IN THE FACE, YOU HAVE TO DO IT.
8. CAN YOU GIVE US THE PHONE NUMBER OF THE HOT GIRL WHO LIVES IN YOUR NEIGHBORHOOD, THE ONE WITH THE NOSE PIERCING?

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