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Thursday, October 9, 2014

Who Wants Sex More?

A typical woman is unlikely to focus on sex
under these circumstances
After years of careful research into the question, who wants sex more, men or women, I've determined they both want sex equally.  This will fly in the face of conventional wisdom that tells us men have stronger sex drives.  The only significant difference, as far as I can tell, is that women want other things as well.  Let me restate this in other terms: whereas men want sex and only sex, women want sex but they want other things as well.

Let's take an illustrative example.

Suppose the Martin domicile has gone without cleaning.  Dishes are in the sink, perhaps.  The bathroom tile has not been scrubbed.  Unwashed laundry has piled up.  The odd food scrap is lying on the floor.  Raccoons are foraging in the kitchen trash. 

At this juncture, Nancy and I want sex equally much.  Millions of years of evolution are shouting in our ears, "For God's sake, procreate!  I know you're old and useless, but try, for God's sake, try!  We're talking survival of the species here!"

And yet, in this situation, I will be the only one who will be able to focus.  Nancy's mind will keep turning to the dirty laundry and foraging raccoons.  She will be unable to muster a passionate mood until they have been dealt with.

Another example, this one fictional.

There's a genre of movie, targeted specifically at men, in which a man and his lubricious female counterpart face a dire apocalyptic situation: zombies perhaps, or Nazi zombies, or mutant raccoons from outer-space, or something.  Our great cities lie in ruins, corpses lie strewn about the streets (unless we're talking zombies, in which case they're up and walking) all official communications are down, and presumably the officials - the government, the police, the military - are all dead anyway.  There is no internet.  

At this point in the movie, our two heroes make love.  They're cowering in some corner behind the rubble, and the logic is, "Those mutant Nazi zombie raccoons are going to get us sooner or later, might as well have a quickie."  This is the fulfillment of a fantasy of every man who's ever been told, "Not if you were the last man on earth."  Well, in the movie, it is the last man on earth, so booyah!

The only problem is, it would never happen that way.  In reality, the woman would expect him to go out and get rid of those zombie raccoons before sex.  It would be no use pointing out that he would surely die in the attempt, making sex impossible, unless it were zombie sex, which even for a man is like ewww.

All this to say, gentlemen, a mutant zombie apocalypse will not get you laid, so you might as well stop wishing for it.  Instead, try to attend to some of those other things on your sweetheart's wish list, and you'll discover an unexpected font of sexual energy.

Anyway, them's my thoughts.

And now, I'm going to close this blog.  The weekend's coming up, and I have to attend to some raccoons in the kitchen garbage.

1 comment:

  1. While I was cleaning the kitchen, she ran off with the hunky neighbor on his motorcycle. Please advise.