I Heart Indies

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Funeral Services from Amazon.com

For years Amazon has met your every shopping need, from books, CDs, DVDs, and now fashion, appliances, and streaming movies.  Last year, we unveiled our OBGYN discount service.  Now, with Amazon Prime Internment and Cremation, we are truly the only place you ever need shop.

You can purchase everything from casket to flowers with our handy one-click ordering system.  Should you prefer cremation, Amazon Fulfillment dispatches one of our automated drones will pick up the deceased for you, and return within twenty-four hours with the ashes.  If you wish, the drone can even scatter the ashes for you, saving you the muss and fuss.  How easy is that?

Not dead yet?  No problem.  Amazon Recommends automatically displays attractive coffin and urn alternatives based on purchases you have made.  For example, our algorithms show us that customers who purchase 75 Untraceable Poisons on Kindle are often in the market for an inexpensive sturdy casket.

A few clicks and a valid credit card, and Amazon can make all the arrangements for you, leaving you free to focus on the emotional needs of your nearest and dearest, or even just get sozzled. 

Grief counselors are available, too!  Check out our IPhone App.

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