I Heart Indies

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Barbie Apologizes

Talina Woods, 25, from Wales, recently purchased a "Life In The Dreamhouse Talking Barbie Doll" for her daughter, Demileigh, according to UPI.com....Demileigh had the Barbie for two days before her mother heard the doll blurt out an off-color, three-word phrase summarized by the letters W, T and F. - David Moye, Huffington Post

Alright, look, I snapped.  That's all there is to it.  Everyone looks at me and thinks, "Oh, you've got it so easy, you've got looks and... well, looks.  And how hard can it be being a plastic doll with ginormous boobs?"

Let me tell you it's not that easy.  For starters, I don't have a man in my life.  I'm not one of those women who needs a man to make her happy; I'm pretty much happy all the time.  I can't help it.  My face is made this way.  But sometimes a girl wants a little masculine companionship, you know?  As for Ken, you knew he was gay, right?  I mean, just look at his wardrobe.  But I've seen him naked.  Gay is the least of it.  He's in good shape and all, but...  Well, I can't go into details, but let's just say he doesn't have what it takes to satisfy an eight-inch tall plastic woman.

And it's not easy keeping the equivalent of an 18-inch waist and a 39-inch bust, especially since I can't do Pilates, yoga, or anything.  My knees don't bend.  God, just one day I wish I could sit down.  My only alternative is to diet.  I simply don't eat.  Ever.

So can you blame me for letting fly a little F-Bomb?  But I'm sorry.  I know I said it in front of a little girl who is impressionable and looks up to me as a role model to teach her important values like shopping, getting mani-pedis, having nice clothes, an 18-inch waist, and 39-inch boobs.  I let her down, and I'm sorry.


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