I Heart Indies

Sunday, September 7, 2014


Dear Mortal:

I bring you greetings from The Lord God High Almighty.

The Lord Almighty has instructed me to write you this letter of thanks for your very interesting "prayers," which you made over the last several decades or so.  She apologizes for Her slowness in responding more explicitly to these but expresses great admiration for the clearness of your speaking voice and your persistence.

A common theme in your prayers is recovery from sickness for yourself and others.  As I'm sure you appreciate, illness is an indispensable part of God's creation, as are suffering and death.  In fact, it was Her hope that the inevitability of misfortune and pain would teach mankind compassion and maybe a soupcon of humility.  Therefore, regretfully, even those prayers for recovery which have been granted, have only been done so provisionally, and with the understanding that good health and life are never more than temporary possessions.

Another frequent topic concerns winning some honor or achieving some personal or professional ambition.  If you take time to examine these prayers, you will note they all have to do with status within the human community.  The Lord Almighty wishes you to understand She never interferes in these matters except in very unusual circumstances.  Owing to the nature of society as humans have constructed it, personal achievement is almost always zero-sum; that is, one person's gain is another's loss.  If you win a promotion at work, that means someone else did not - if you win a medal in a foot-race, thousands of others did not.  The Lord Almighty cannot be held responsible for this peculiar system of yours, but the fact remains that when you pray earnestly for some advancement or preference over a fellow human being, that human is praying just as earnestly for advancement over you.  You can appreciate what a difficult position this puts Her in.

Yet a third category of prayer concerns weather.  The Lord Almighty is pleased to point out She has given you all the weather you could ever hope for, and then some!  In spite of this bounty, you have sometimes expressed disappointment or frustration.  The Lord Almighty is sorry for this and believes a simple adjustment to your prayer schedule will make matters more satisfactory all the way around.  For example, if you pray for warm days in Summer and cool ones in Winter, instead of the other way around, your prayers will be much more efficacious.  Also, we have noticed you specifically pray for rain when it is dry and for dryness when it is raining.  This is like a cat who wants to go out when she's in, and in when she's out.  The Lord God wishes you'd make up your mind.

Finally, there are about 10,000 prayers thanking God for its being Friday.

You're welcome.


Archangel in Charge of Public Relations

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