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Friday, August 8, 2014

Standards Aren't What They Used to Be

Your School Board
Welcome back to a new school year, and we know all you parents and students will be thrilled to know the public education system is rolling out a whole new list of initiatives to better serve you and to prepare your students to become lifelong learners in an ever-changing world and meet the environmental, social, and economic challenges to come, robust and rigor.

Last year, we promised you the same thing with a different whole new set of initiatives, but those turned out to lack the rigor and not be as robust as we'd anticipated so we've dumped them in favor of something new, just like we dropped the last twenty sets of new initiatives before.  We are confident, robust and rigor, we've hit on the last new set of initiatives we will need.  So what's different, robust and rigor?

Robust and rigor, remember "No Child Left Behind?"  Well that's robust gone rigor.  Our new robust model is rigor, "Go ahead and leave some children behind."  Remember how we used to rigor talk about robust "self-esteem," well, no more.  Now, robust and rigor, we don't care about self-esteem."  In fact, robust, we rigor tell kids, "You're rigor ugly and your robust mamma dresses you funny."  Robust studies now show rigor that low self-esteem leads to higher achievement.  All these robust rigor years we had it exactly backward, go figure.

And robust and rigor math.  We tried robust getting children to rigor understand the problem rather than solve it.  Then, robust, it was like, we don't rigor give a hoot if you know what you're doing, just get the right answer.  Or maybe robust it was rigor the other way around.  Robust, I forget, rigor.  But in any case, rigor, our new robust model is, "Look, don't come to me for help, I don't know the answer either, I got an even crummier education than you!"

What we've robust rigor done is gone back to the basics.  And the basics in public robust education rigor has always been buzz-words.  So that's robust and rigor what we're doing.  This year's robust and rigor buzzwords are "Robust" and "Rigor."  We will rigor use them robust in every single sentence from here to eternity until test scores rise or we come up with something else.  We robust are confident this rigor will improve learning.  God knows, rigor, we've tried everything else, robust.

Robust and Rigor,

The Department of Robust and Rigor Education

1 comment:

  1. That's why I like the "Common Core" attitude: It doesn't matter if you get the wrong answer, just as long as you try hard and play nice.