I Heart Indies

Sunday, August 31, 2014

Rough Drafts of the Doxology

This whole humility and self-sacrifice thing
could be big, Big, BIG!
The concluding line "For thine is the kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever," seems to have been added to the Lord's Prayer by first-century Christians, presumably unsatisfied with the original ending.

This new prayer of yours, Jesus, we love it.

Really dude, we all just love it.  We mean that sincerely.

Like the part where it says, "Thy will be done."  That's genius, buddy.  A prayer for God to do exactly what He intends to do anyway.  Man, that'd be sucking up, only it's just, so, I don't know, humble.  And then the part where it says, "forgive us our trespasses... as we forgive those who trespass against us."  Bam!  That line is just killer.  Really, I mean that sincerely.  I showed that to Magdalene, you know, the chick who does the foot rubs, and she got tears in her eyes.  Tears.  I mean that sincerely.  

We all agree sincerely you just nailed it.  I mean this prayer of yours says everything that needs to be said.  If a guy could have only one prayer to use his whole life, this would be it.  I guess that's why they call you the Son of God.  Am I right, or am I right?


This is not a criticism, I mean, sincerely, this prayer is perfect just the way it is.  But.  The last part.  "Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil."  You see where some people might get the idea that's kind of a downer?  I mean, not me, I think it's great just the way it is.  But the last word of a prayer written by God-Freaking-Incarnate Himself is "evil."  That just sort of, I don't know, it's kind of a let-down.  You're staying on message throughout the prayer, and then, thud.  It's like the last word is about the competition.  It sort of tarnishes the brand, you know?

Not me, not me, like I said I LOVE this prayer.  I mean that sincerely.  El-oh-vee-ee, love it.  But some people are going to get the wrong idea if the last word is "evil."  That's all we're saying.

So we were thinking of adding just a little bit.  We wouldn't change anything in the prayer, just put a little tagline at the end, to kind of round it out, you know?

Like, for example, how about if it went: "Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name" - etcetera, etcetera, etcetera - until you got to the part, "and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.  Offer excludes tax, tag, title, registration, and dealer fees."

Better, huh?  Pretty snazzy.  Oh, you don't like that one.  How about this:

"Our Father, who art in heaven" - yadda, yadda, yadda - "not into temptation but deliver us from evil.  Subject to terms and conditions, not available in all areas, void where prohibited by law."

Not easy to please, are ya?  Okay, try this one on for size, "Our" blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, "deliver us from evil.  Past performance does not reflect future results, this does not constitute an offer to sell, if you have an erection lasting more than six hours, consult your physician."

Still no good, huh?  Well, don't worry, leave it to the boys in PR to come up with something.  Like I said, we all just love this new prayer of yours, sincerely, we mean that.  It goes without saying it's perfect in every way.

We just feel it could be a little bit better.


  1. I think there should be a disclaimer at the end, like those you see on TV advertisements for attorneys:

    No representation is made that the quality of this prayer is any greater than the quality of any other prayers performed in other religions...even those crazy ones where people pass around snakes or kneel in their bathrobes going "Booley Booley! Booley!" all day.

  2. Does this mean I can pray for an erection, or just for it to go away after six hours? Personally I'm OK with either.