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Sunday, August 17, 2014

Mistakes I Haven't Made Yet

I've made some mistakes in my life, and I'll admit it.  Hey, I'm only human right?

For example, drying my hair - back when I had it - with an open bottle of Ben Gay on the counter, where it could easily get tangled in the cord and where it was approximately level with my exposed genitalia.

That was a mistake.

Using my wife's Nair on my face thinking it might save me the trouble of shaving.
That was a mistake.

Allowing my cousin to talk me into chugging a bottle of Johnny Walker at my bachelor party.

Oog.  Was that ever a mistake.

But there are some mistakes I haven't made.  Some mistakes you can't undo.

Like accidentally starting a nuclear war.  I haven't done that.

Reading aloud from an ancient book bound in human skin and summoning from some dark eldritch dimension a nameless horror of unspeakable evil.  Haven't done that either.

Interrupting Easter Sunday service by shouting, "Stop the music!  They found the body!"  There's another one I didn't do.

So all in all, I can feel pretty good about myself.  Yes, I've made some mistakes, such as mistaking wasabi for guacamole - that was a bad one - but there are a few mistakes I haven't made.


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