I Heart Indies

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Life is so Much Easier

If Ben Franklin wanted to watch TV,
he had to start by cutting down a tree.
Thanks to technology, life is so much easier than it used to be.  These days, if my daughter wants to send a text, she just whips out the ol' phone and - boop-beep-boop-beep-boop- text sent.  (Of course, phones don't actually go boop and beep anymore, but I had to do something to signify action being taken.)  If I want to send a text, I just say, "Spencer, send a text for me," and - boop-beep-boop-beep - done.

But think about my grandmother.  If she wanted to send a text, she had to get out some yarn and do needle-point.  It took hours for Meemaw to created a simple text like, "WTF" or "LMAO."  And no spell-check, forget about that.  If she needle-pointed CUL7R instead of CUL8R, it either stayed that way or she had to re-do the whole thing.

Or you take GPS.  I love my GPS; I used to get lost all the time.  Do you think my great-grandparents had GPS when they were traveling to Montana in a covered wagon?  Hecks no.  It was a covered wagon.  For GPS, you had to depend on strangers.  They'd ask some settlers along the way or some friendly-Indians, "Do you know the way to the Conestoga Pass?"  And everybody would stare at each other, and someone would say, "Recalculating...  Recalculating..." and sooner or later - if you were lucky - they might say, "Turn around when possible," or if you were really, really lucky they might say, "Five hundred miles and you have reached your destination.  On left."

And streaming TV, whoa!  These days I can turn on TV anytime I want and watch Orange is the New Black, which features an average of one simulated lesbian sex scene per 1.5 episodes.  Talk about convenience.  Like Ben Franklin, he was pretty smart, right?  But if he ever thought, "I'd like to watch a simulated lesbian sex scene on streaming TV," you know what he'd have to do?  Well, first of all, he'd have to write his own episode to get some people to act it out for him.  Then he'd have to get one of his buddies to invent a camera for him so he could film it.  But that's not all.  Then he'd have to chop some wood, grind glass, and maybe dig up some lumps of coal so he could build a TV to watch it on.  But no so fast, buddy!  There's only one simulated lesbian sex scene per 1.5 episodes - and if he happened to write an episode without a simulated lesbian sex scene, he'd have to start the whole process all over again.

So just be grateful you're not Ben Franklin but you can turn on TV anytime you want and every 1.5 episodes see a simulated lesbian sex scene.

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