I Heart Indies

Friday, July 11, 2014

Thank You for Your Time

Thank you for your purchase.  Do you mind taking a brief customer satisfaction survey?

I really don't think so.

Please, it will only take a minute.

No, really, I'm busy.

There may be a coupon in it for you.


Were you able to find what you were looking for today?

I'm holding it in my hand.

I'll mark that as a "yes."  On a scale of one to ten, with one being sticking your bare foot into a shoe and finding a moist slug, and ten being bunnies frolicking in clover, how satisfactory was your experience?


As low as that?  Really?  But think how helpful I was.

Okay.  Six and a half.

Thank you.  Next question.  Would you shop here again?

Maybe.  I don't know.  Within the next year?

It doesn't matter, the fact you will shop here at some point in the future is enough to satisfy the public.  Next question, what is your gender?

I'm really offended you have to ask that.  I'm standing right here.

The staff has undergone sensitivity workshops to train us not to prejudge people based on stereotypes of appearance or secondary sexual characteristics.  Nevertheless, based on your belligerent posture, I shall put you down as male.  What is your age?


Get real.


And were we able to answer all your questions today?

What questions?

That completes our survey.  Your answers will help us flood your email and Facebook with helpful advertisements for related products.  Before you go, would you be willing to take a brief customer survey about the preceding customer survey?


Please?  Please, please, please, pleeeeze?

I'm about to change my earlier answer from six and a half, to six and a quarter.

Very well, thank you and have a blessed day.

Back at you.

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