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Friday, July 18, 2014

Progress on the Education Front

Representative Williams wanted it specified that God
had created right triangles and ordained their lengths.
House Bill 314159, Resolved that in a right triangle the square of the hypotenuse is equal to the sum of the squares of the two adjacent sides.

Representative Chu (D. California) argued that the inequality of the square of one side of a triangle being equal to the two remaining sides put together was manifestly unacceptable, and the bill should be amended to create a more equitable distribution of lengths.  Representative Johnson (R. Texas) berated Chu for "geometric socialism" and said that if the hypotenuse was that much longer than the two adjacent sides it was because of hard work and frugality and was proof of the success of western capitalism, and that if the other two sides wanted to make something of themselves, they should follow the hypotenuse's example instead of just sitting around on their angles and whining about it.   Representative Franks (R. Arizona) said this was all well and good, but that his understanding was Pythagoras was a Mexican or else possibly Armenian and that America had to stop letting foreigner geometers take jobs away from Native-Born American geometers who needed work.  Representative Chabot (R. Ohio) retorted that if the House kept throwing around lengths like there was no tomorrow, it spelled the end for America, and that every time we decided a side of a triangle should be longer, we had to borrow the extra inches from China, and when they decided to call in the chips, there wouldn't be any triangles left at all.  Representative Edwards (D. Maryland) said the loss of triangles would impact the poor most, and that the wealthiest 1% of Americans would still have plenty of triangles available.  Representative Ellison (D. Minnesota) said the deeper problem lay in the fact that the lengths were set arbitrarily by a powerful elite with vested interest in the status quo, and that if the two adjacent sides were allowed to bargain collectively, there would be maybe some social justice for a change.  Representative Williams (R. Texas) said everyone was losing sight of the main issue of the resolution, which was that it failed to mention that God had created right triangles and ordained their lengths at the Beginning of Time, approximately 5,000 years ago.

The House was then adjourned so representatives could meet their lobbyists for lunch.

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