Sunday, July 6, 2014
My Hair Cut
I will pause until the derisive laughter subsides.
I repeat, I am in constant need of a haircut. This is not in spite of being bald; it's because of it. Had I a full head of hair, I would not need so many haircuts. This is owing to a natural tendency of people to be uncritical of anything in abundance. No one walks by the Amazon rain forest and thinks, "What that place needs is someone to go in with some hedge-clippers." But let the ivy grow over a jalopy in the backyard just a little bit, and the neighborhood association is standing at your doorstep with torches and pitchforks.
See how it works? Well, it's the same thing in this situation, only with hair. And I don't have a jalopy on my scalp.
Yes, people with lots of hair need hair cuts, too, but not so often. Take for example, Jared Leto. I'm not sure who Jared Leto is, but he came up on a Google search for celebrities with great hair. I assure you, if you saw him, even if you didn't know him, you'd never think, "He needs a hair cut." Me, however, almost every day of the week, someone comes up and says, "Get a haircut, you bum. What are you, a hippie?"
Unfair, yes, but I'm used to it, so my wife is going to cut my hair for like the fourth time this month. As soon as I finish trimming up the ivy around the Pinto in the backyard.