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Wednesday, July 9, 2014

7 Things I Know That I Wish I Didn't Things I Have Learned That I Wished I Hadn't

People say knowledge is power, well, yeah, right.  Some knowledge, though, you'd rather not have.  Like stuff you don't want to know because you only learn it under certain unpleasant conditions.  Like, knowing how to make a rum-runner in a blender, that's fun knowledge, but knowing how to scratch twelve mosquito bites at once when one of them is way down in the small of your back, that's knowledge you're probably better off without.  Here's a short list of things I've learned I wish I'd never had to.

1. I have learned a great deal more about digging up holly bushes than I ever wanted to know.  More than anyone wants to know.

2. I have gotten very good at changing flat tires.  No one should know as much about this who isn't in NASCAR or a Duke of Hazzard.

3. I can give an enema.

4. I have memorized all the lyrics to, "Swing In to the Saddle, Christian Cowboy."  This is not a song you want running through your head.

5. I know how to replace a toilet with a newfangled "Lo-Flo" model, then how to take out the "Lo-Flo" and put a "Hi-Flo" back in when the "Lo-Flow" exploded.

6. I know how to scrub chicken poop off cement decking.

7.Poison Ivy.  I am really good at recognizing poison ivy.


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