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Thursday, June 26, 2014

Video Reviews with Kim Jong Un

Could Seth Rogen and James Franco trigger a conflict with North Korea? That's what Pyongyang says, calling the duo's upcoming film an "act of war."  In "The Interview," starring Franco as a TV host and Rogen as his producer, the two are sent to North Korea to assassinate supreme leader Kim Jong Un. "The act of making and screening such a movie that portrays the attack on our top leadership... is a most wanton act of terror and act of war, and is absolutely intolerable," a foreign ministry spokesman said in a statement cited by AFP. He also threatened a "resolute and merciless response" if the film is not banned by the U.S. government.  The statement was released via the official Korean Central News Agency, which last month called President Obama a "wicked black monkey." - Ed Mazza, The Huffington Post

Godfather III - After two great cinematic achievements, Director Copola, Screenwriter Mario Puzzo, and Star Al Pacino prove they are nothing better than wicked Italian lemurs who are well known for throwing feces at each other and for making inexcusably rotten movies like this one.  Everyone involved in this stinker shall face a lingering death.
The Village - Frankly, I never really liked The Sixth Sense.  Everyone was like, "Jong Un, Jong Un, you've got to go see The Sixth Sense," but even though giving "spoilers" to a movie I haven't seen yet means certain death, I foresaw the ending almost from the opening scene.  I nearly started a nuclear war right then, but I watched the rest of the movie anyway and found it at least mildly entertaining.  But The Village!  What a stinker!  M Night Shyamalan - here we call him M Night Shamalama-ding-dong, ha-ha - is surely a notorious Indian orangutan for perpetrating this idiocy on the innocent public.  You don't know when, or where, Mr Shyamalan, but a massive can of whoop-ass retaliation is headed your way for this.
The Phantom Menace, Attack of the Clones, Revenge of the Sith, The Clone Wars, and The Star Wars Holiday Special - George Lucas used to be an sinister but ground-breaking little chimp.  Now he is just a sinister chimp who's become a billionaire pedaling this drek.  Enough said.  Your cities shall lie in ruins. 


  1. Dear Sir, Mr. Man,

    I got out of bed for this?

    You have a responsibility to provide your four, non-relative, readers of this blog with satisfying morning witticisms, insights, and clever thoughts. Your failure to do so today is not acceptable!

    First of all, your Kim Jong Un (on twitter: @K-Jun) impersonation is in no way accurate. Everyone knows this is not how K-Jun talks. First of all, everyone knows K-Jun has never seen a lemur before and does not know what they are called.

    And first of all, everyone knows there are no words in the One True language for drek, foresee, or billionaire. So how could K-jun use words that don't exist?

    And third of all, "Shamalama-ding-dong, ha-ha - is" in the One True language means: "Go out in the pasture and turn over the cow patties." So why would K-jun tell M-nite to do such a thing if neither of them are even farmers?

    This post is neither funny, interesting, or cool. And my day may be ruined as a result of it. One more post like this, and you will be down to three free-riding fans. And I will be forced to distribute bootleg copies of your novel to everyone on the street.

    Best regards,
    Your no. 3 fan,
    Barlow B. Futureman, Ph.D

    By the way, thanks for calling me Doctor earlier. No one ever calls me Doctor, because I'm not really a doctor. But I am intellectually and economically superior in every way, and you were the first person to acknowledge this.

    Your no. 3 fan,
    Col. Barlow B. Futureman, Ph.D

  2. As a matter of fact, I bet in Coolidge's day, familiarity with the Presidency could not be used to determine a person's state of cognizance.

    If you found a delirious man in a cornfield, or a teetotaler in a news room, and asked both of them: Who's the President of the Unites States? They'd probably just crinkle their noses at you.

    Cornfield guy might say--What's a president?--In some sort of slow southern tone.

    Crap! I just dumped a packet of olives into my salad!