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Saturday, May 10, 2014

The Proud New Curriculum

CHEYENNE, Wyo. (AP) — Wyoming, the nation's top coal-producing state, is the first to reject new K-12 science standards proposed by national education groups mainly because of global warming components...Board President Ron Micheli said the review will look into whether "we can't get some standards that are Wyoming standards and standards we all can be proud of."
In the new Geography Curriculum adopted by Rhode Island, it turns out Rhode Island is the largest state in the Union.  "I was always told I lived in a little puny state," says Bobby Mitchell, 11.  "But now I learn that Rhode Island is huge.  On the map, it's almost as big as the whole rest of the country put together.  I sure am glad I live here and not some wimpy little place like Texas or Alaska."
Utah's new History Curriculum corrects the mistaken notion that George Washington was the nation's first president.  "Actually," says Governor Gary Herbert, "the first president was Joseph Smith."  Smith, the founder of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, commonly known as the Mormons, also discovered America and was the first man to walk on the moon, according to the new curriculum.
Georgia is one of several states developing new standards to dispel the calumny of the so-called "Trail of Tears."  "What we should call it," says Mudridge County school board chair Bobby "Bubba" Meeks, "is the Trail of Happy Faces or the Trail of It's-OK-with-Me-I-Was-Planning-to-Go-Anyway."
The Righteous Sword of Christ Preparatory Academy, a private K-12 school, has rejected any math standards connected with Arabic numerals.  "All that stuff's Muslim," Pastor Headmaster Freddy Faster explains.  "It's proved in the Bible.  And algebra's even worse.  Ciphering's bad enough without throwing a bunch of letters in there.  From now on, all the counting they got to do they can do on their fingers like God gave them."  In the new curriculum, girls will be able to add and count up to twenty, and boys to twenty-one.

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