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Sunday, March 9, 2014

Supper Plans

While they were eating, Jesus took the bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it and gave it to his disciples, saying "Take and eat, for this is my body."

And Andrew, brother of Peter, said, "Ugh.  That is disgusting."

Bartholomew said, "It is just a metaphor, dummy."

And Andrew said, "I know that.  It is just the thought."

And Phillip said, "You know what I think is dumb?  We are all sitting on the same side of the table."

James the Elder said, "Is that bread gluten-free, Lord?  For my doctor says I may not eat of bread unless it be gluten-free."

James the Lesser said, "Just eat the bread and stop being such a baby."

John the Beloved Disciple said, "I will have James' if he does not want it.  It looks yummy."

James the Lesser said, "I want my bread.  Who said I didn't want my bread."

And John the Beloved Disciple said, "I was talking about James the Elder."

And Jesus said, "Listen everybody, we are really getting off track."

Matthew said, "Is this all we are having?  Bread and wine?  Has anyone counted these carbs?"

And Mary Magdalene said, "I spend all day slaving over a hot stove and this is the thanks I get."

And John the Beloved Disciple said, "It looks delicious, Mary."

And Matthew said, "Oh, thank you.  Bread.  Big deal.  You did not even leaven it."

Bartholomew said, "It is supposed to be unleavened bread, idiot.  This is the Feast of Unleavened Bread."

"Can everyone stop arguing?" said John the Beloved Disciple.  "Just once, can not we have a nice supper without arguing?"

And Jesus said, "I need everyone to focus here."

Simon called Peter said, "Everyone shut up.  Jesus has something he wants to say."

"Thank you, Peter," said Jesus, "now take this cup for this is my blood."

And Andrew said, "Oh, gross."

Bartholomew said, "It is a metaphor, stupid."

Andrew said, "I know that.  It is still disgusting.  Why can not he come up with a nicer metaphor?"

"You could have put a little leaven in it," Matthew said.  "It would not have hurt."

James the Elder said, "The doctor says in addition to gluten, I mayst also not eat of bread that has leaven."

And James the Younger said, "Quit being such a baby."

Jesus wept.

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