I Heart Indies

Thursday, March 6, 2014

A Few Worst Case Scenarios

SWALLOWED BY ALLIGATOR: Carry a piece of fatback tied to a string.  As you go down the alligator's gullet, loop the string over its snout.  Once in the belly, swallow the fatback, and chew the string until you're out again.

ATTACKED BY GREAT WHITE SHARK: The classic response to this scenario is to punch the shark in the nose.  This way, when you get to heaven, you'll be able to tell everyone you punched a shark in the nose.

BRAZILIAN WANDERING SPIDER: The most venomous spider on earth, the Brazilian Wandering Spider seeks out dark places during the day, such as people's shoes.  It is notoriously aggressive when surprised.  The good news is, there are none around here.  They don't wander that far.  When in Brazil, have a buddy try on your shoes for you.  An ounce of prevention.

KILLER BEES: When attacked by killer bees, drop, tuck, and roll.  Come to think of it, that's the instructions for fire.  Oh, what the heck, it should work for bees too.  Try it out.

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