Friday, February 28, 2014
The Cat Speaks
I'd kill a scampering animal if I saw it trying to run away. I'd kill it if it was climbing a tree. If it hailed a taxi, scampered in, and drove off, I'd hail myself another taxi, and say, "Follow that cab!" And when the cab stopped, and the animal scampered out, I'd kill it. My mission in life is to kill scampering animals. If I was at a fancy restaurant, I'd say, "Do you have any scampering animals on the menu?" If I was stranded on an island and could just bring along three things, two of them would be scampering animals. The third thing would be a cage full of scampering animals.
When an animal stops scampering, I usually leave it on the doormat for my human. She eats carrots. I've seen her get into a bathtub that was completely full of water. And she thinks I'm disgusting. But I don't judge. I'm a live-and-let-live kind of cat. Unless you're a scampering animal. In which case, I'll kill you.