If there's one thing I regret - and there are at least that many - it's that I haven't paid closer attention to the winter Olympics. If I had, I've have something hi-LAR-ious to write about now, instead of desperately trying to fake it, which is what I'm doing.
For example, there's Putin without a shirt. Why is it I keep seeing this picture? Whatever's going on, it's clearly side-splitting, but I haven't been paying attention, so I haven't got a clue.
And who is this woman and why is she so upset? Again, lots of potential humor-stuff wasted on yours truly.
And is it true there are feral dogs roaming the Olympic grounds? If so, yet more risible material gone to waste.
So what am I reduced to? Just this re-tread of a joke.
Putin is reading a letter, "Oh-oh-oh-oh..."
"You don't have to read that part, sir," says an assistant, "that's just the Olympic symbol."