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Monday, February 24, 2014

How to Survive the Collapse of Civilization

The Look for an Insurrection is Comfortable-Casual
With Earth Tones Predominating
Everyone watching the news spilling out of the Ukraine is thinking the same thing, "How terrible, I wonder what I would do in a situation like that?"  What do you do if the rules of civilization break down, and the streets run with blood?  I've been through eight such situations myself, two of which I caused.  (Accident.  Long story.)  I can't tell you everything you might need to know, because anarchic breakdowns are like snowflakes, each one is unique.  Nevertheless, these simple tips will give you the self confidence to make the best of things when everything goes down the crapper.

WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES: This is a must.  You know all those zombie movies when the beautiful chick trips at a crucial moment because she's wearing stilettos?  Not cool.  If there are zombies chasing us, there's a chance someone's going to go back and get you.  If the crowds all full of angry mobs calling for blood, you're on your own.

WEAR EARTH TONES: The look for an uprising is comfortable-casual; even if you're a "Spring" don't wear bright colors or pastels.  You want drab greens and browns.  Blend.  Remember Schindler's List and that one little girl you kept seeing in red?  Remember what happened to her?  Everyone else was dressed in gray and black, and some of them survived.

STAY INDOORS:  Basically a collapse of law and order is like ice on the roads, only with bullets.  Don't go out of the house unless you absolutely have to.

IF A BUNCH OF PEOPLE ARE DOING SOMETHING, DO IT WITH THEM: If everyone's tearing down a statue of Vladimir Lenin, do it with them.  If they're shouting and shaking their fists as news cameras, do the same.  This is not the time to say something like, "I see your point, but on the other hand..." or "Let's agree to disagree."

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