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Thursday, February 6, 2014

Animal Control Call

Hello, Animal Control?  I believe I have an ocelot in my closet.
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Ocelot.  In my closet.
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OH as in Orangutan.  CEE as in CHEETAH.  EE as in EMU.  EL as in LEMUR.  OH as in Ocelot.  TEE as in tapir.  Ocelot.  He's in my closet.  Can you dispatch someone right away?
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An ocelot.  It's like a small leopard.  They're native to South America.  Please hurry.  My leather pants are in that closet.
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I don't know.  I suppose he must've slipped in while we were mixing frozen marga...  Look, is this really necessary?  The point is, he's in there now, and he's making a wreck of my wardrobe.
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Yes, normally they live in South America but there's one in my closet right now.  That's the thing that matters.
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Alright, I don't care for your attitude, lady.  Give me your badge number or whatever, I want to speak to your supervisor.
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Okay, okay, okay, I'm sorry.  The fact is, it's my ocelot.  He's a pet, but he's incorrigible.  I forgot how angry he gets when he hears the blender.  Please hurry.  He's getting into my girlfriend's Dior.
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Yes, yes, I know.  It's stupid having an exotic pet.  I can see that now.
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Thank you, thank you, thank you.  I'm in the big house at the corner of Spruce and Pine, the one with the monkey-bar set and all the chimpanzees.  You can't miss it.  Just listen for the sound of the screeching peacocks.  And when the animal control guys get here, tell them to watch out for the crocodile, he hasn't had his breakfast yet.
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Hello?  Hello?

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