|In this artist's depiction of Nancy|
picking up my dirty underwear,
you can actually see her getting hot.
Yes, crazy. Crazy like a fox. A super-sexy stud fox.
Some people, when they want to "do it," or as I call it, the "hibbidy-bibbidy," beg and plead pathetically. This is a big mistake. Begging and pleading is the last step of the seduction, and you have to do every procedure of the following three-step process before you get to it.
1. The first step I call "laying the groundwork." To do this, you have to understand the psychology of women. See, women secretly believe the hibbidy-bibbidy is dirty, and they never get over this belief. So if you want to lay groundwork, or as I call it, "defrost the bagel," you've got to plant the seed in her unconscious mind. I do this by making sure to leave my dirty underwear on the floor. Pretty slick, huh? This way when she picks it up, she immediately associates me and dirty underwear. Need I mention what underwear covers up? The naughty bits. There, I said it. See, it's all about the unconscious mind - not just hers, but mine. Nancy will say, "What were you thinking? Were you thinking at all?" The unconscious is a very powerful thing.
2. The next step is body language. Ninety percent of communication is non-verbal. This means, when Nancy is saying something I don't really need to listen, but if she throws a piece of crockery at me, I need to sit up and pay attention. I also use body language to communicate back. I call this "making the move." Actually a more accurate term is "not making a move." We could also call it "comatose." Women are looking for a man who can make them feel comfortable. The best way to do this is to be comfortable with yourself. I do this by stretching out on the sofa in my boxers when I watch TV. I also usually spill peanut butter cookies on the floor. This goes back to the first step, "defrosting the bagel," which I call, "spreading the marmalade."
3. Pretty soon you're ready to get down to begging and pleading, but not so fast, Chuckles. You got to take care of the bod. I call this "The Love Machine." Nancy calls it "Mr Giggles" or sometimes, "For God's sake, put on some pants. You're scaring the dog." Again, women's psychology comes into play. I call this, "Getting into her head." Nancy calls it, "Driving me crazy." Women want a man who's comfortable in his own skin. That means you need a lot of skin to be comfortable in. They don't call them "love handles" for nothing.
So in a nutshell, that's my secret technique. Now all that's left is begging and pleading.