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Saturday, January 4, 2014

How We Say Things Down Here

"Comfort Food"
Recently I took a fascinating on-line quiz asking me what expressions I use for common, everyday items.  The result came back showing I'm a Southerner, which is pretty useless considering I know I'm a Southerner, but still, it was strangely gratifying.  It occurred to me, however, that what's needed is not someone telling Southerners words we already know, but a Southerner to tell outsiders words they don't know.  This is less a problem, perhaps, in Atlanta than elsewhere, since this is a fairly cosmopolitan city, but in the more rural areas, there must be a good deal of avoidable confusion among Yankees who don't understand the local terminology; therefore, in the interests of the greater good, I offer this short list.

What you call "saturated fat, sodium, cholesterol, carbohydrates, and sucrose," we call "comfort food."

What you call "polenta," we call "grits."

What you call "assertive" we call "rude."

What you call "morbidly obese," we call, "big boned."

What you call "reckless endangerment" we call "driving."

You say "c--- s------ m-----f------ son of a w---- b---- m---------- a--h---," we say, "bless his heart."

What you call "redneck kooks," we call "neighbors."

What you call "crazy redneck kook nut-jobs," we call "relatives."

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