Wednesday, December 4, 2013
The Next Selfie
This of course was always true, and we've had a primitive form of selfies called mirrors, but these were very crude by comparison, and even the vainest person could spend no more than half an hour a day in front of one, and for the rest of the time had to look at other people.
It might seem ironic that a device made specifically for communication with others would turn out to be another way to indulge our own self-absorption, but so be it. Since this is already the case, why not make the most of it? I have an idea for a new app, which frankly I'm surprised doesn't exist already, called the "Selfie-Talker." (A sucky name, I know, but I'll let the boys down in marketing come up with a better.)
The idea is simple. Conventional conversations are perfectly delightful so long as we're talking about ourselves; our allergies, our co-workers, our love-life, etc. But 50% of the time, we're expected to listen as other people talk about themselves, their allergies, their co-workers, their love-life. What a bore! The Selfie-Talker takes all the drudgery out of conversation and leaves nothing but the pleasure. Simply set it for "Sympathetic" and your phone will murmur a soothing series of "oh, dear," "oh, that's terrible," "no, really?" as your explain about your cat's leukemia or how you rear-ended someone on the way home. Set it for "Enthusiastic" and you can brag away to your heart's content, as your phone says things like, "wow!" "that's fantastic," and "you must be so stoked!"
Again, as is so often the case in this blog, I offer a million-dollar idea, free of charge to the public, for anyone who will to make his fortune. My only hope is in some small way, to advance the progress of mankind.