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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Template for Annual Christmas Letter

Fluffy lived a full life,
and it was time for her to go
Generic salutation: "Friends and Family," "Loved Ones," "Occupant."

Remark on the passage of time: "Can you believe it's been a whole year since...?"  "I can hardly believe it's been a whole year since..." "It seems like only yesterday when..." or "December already???  Yeesh!!!"

Capsule update on current or extremely recent development of minor importance concerning self, significant other, or family pet: "I'm typing this with a broken wrist after a bowling accident," "Bill's getting over a bad cold," or "We're still cleaning up after Fluffy's diarrhea."  

Transitional phrase.  Major event from previous twelve months, if applicable, concerning self, significant other, or offspring: "Cathy got married last spring to a wonderful woman," "I got a fantastic new promotion," "We took a marvelous cruise along the Mediterranean," or "We got a fantastic cash settlement thanks to our wonderful attorneys."

Transitional phrase.  Acknowledgement of sad or distressing news from previous twelve months, if applicable: "Sadly, the doctors say I may never bowl again," "Unfortunately, Bill lost his job in the munitions factory," "Tragically, Bill backed over Fluffy in the Kia."  Followed by upbeat observation, "but at least I can still enjoy skeet-shooting," "but Bill was ready to make a change anyway," or "but Fluffy lived a full life, and it was time for her to go."

Transitional phrase.  Update on personal spiritual, philosophical, or political belief and practice, if applicable: "I've found a new Yoga instructor," "I'm in love!" "I think the Zoloft is helping," "I've earned another sobriety chip," "I'm convinced America will never be set straight until we impeach that bastard Secretary of Agriculture," or "Ever since we went vegan, Fluffy's really been enjoying her all-bran diet."

Transitional phrase.  Wishes for a prosperous, happy new year to recipient.

Sign off: "Me and Bill," "The Braddocks," "Bill and Mary," "You Know Who."

Pseudo-jocular parenthetic asides may be placed throughout letter at writer's discretion, "(You know who you are!)" "(Kidding!)"  "(Cats will be cats.)"

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