I Heart Indies

Thursday, December 5, 2013

Action Items for Blammo! Candy

Greetings shareholders, as you know Blammo! Candy is in a transitional period from a difficult and challenging time.  I am pleased to say that we continue to make improvements and be proactive in our efforts to remain competitive in the twenty-first century.  This presentation will outline the actions steps we have taken or are taking to steer Blammo! back on track.

1. We have created an appealing mascot for the young generation, Freddy Froot Bat, "I'm batty for Blammos!" an adorable sun-glass-and-leather jacket-wearing cartoon character to represent our product.
2. Freddy will go on a cross-country promotional tour telling young people to say "no" to drugs and unsafe sex, and to be careful around common household items such as broken glass.
3. We have settled lawsuits with customers who claimed they were injured by shards of glass from eating Frooty Blammos candy.
2. We are reducing budget allocated for defense fees by $12 million, which will directly help our bottom line.
3. We have discontinued putting shards of glass in Frooty Blammos as a "flavoring agent."
4. We have updated the label to be more attractive will bright vivid colors, a stylish font - Comic Sans - a picture of Freddy Froot Bat tossing three Frooty Blammos into the air to catch in his mouth, and a bright yellow sticker reading, "Now, without glass shards!"

We believe these action items will return Frooty Blammos to its former popularity alongside Chocolate Blammos with Wood Chips and Taffy Blammos with Metal Shavings.

1 comment:

  1. Wasn't this a TV ad on the first Saturday Night Live Christmas Special back in the 1970's? Dan Aykroyd was defending his company's products like "Giant Bag o' Glass!" and "Sack o' Nails"...