Sunday, November 24, 2013
Television Shows for the Twenty-First Century
A family sitcom, named something like, "Family Unit" or "Family, Whazzup!" or just "Fam." The pilot episode centers around Tracy, a gender neutral child, who wants to download adorable kitten videos or adorable puppy videos over the objection of "Mom" and "Dad." "Dad," who has adorable video allergies, complains in a comical way, "Next she'll want to download pony videos!" (Tracy: Can I? Mom: That's "may" I. Cue laugh track.) The episode ends with a compromise: Tracy downloads adorable goldfish videos and the whole family learns an important lesson about getting along and responsibility.
A crime drama, named something like, "Oh, A Wiseguy, Huh?" or "Shut Yer Flapper" or "Montpelier." A homophobic mob boss must marry one of his button men to forestall a pending subpoena. (According to legal precedent, a person may not be required to testify against a spouse.) Sexual tension crackles as we see the two begin irresistibly to fall in love.
Adult drama named "We're Grownups Now" or "I Hate Mondays" or "Get Over It." Office manager Pete Winkle sends picture of penis to his wife BUT mistakenly sends it to ex-girlfriend instead, leading to entire imbroglio as hostile text messages and tweets fly back and forth across the internet and former friends callously "unlike" each other on Facebook. Pete's ex-girlfriend acts like a complete jerk about the whole situation, until confronted via text by Pete himself, who points out what a jerk she's acting like, and how many people she's hurting, and though he'll always care for her, it's over now and time to move on. She cries, then relents, and posts conciliatory tweet.