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Wednesday, November 13, 2013

People Ask for Advice, But They Don't Really Want It

So the phone rings last night after dinner, and I'm like, "Oh, no!  Not again!"  Yep, Barack's in another jam and he needs me to get him out.  Again.  So I say, "Hey, Mr. Prez, what's shaking?"  He's really pee-ohed and says, "Only a hundred thousand people have enrolled for Obamacare, but five million people have had their insurance cancelled!  That means four million more people had insurance before the Affordable Healthcare Act than they do now."

And I'm like, "So?  Isn't that what you wanted?"

"No, just the opposite."

I'd gotten this mistaken idea because Mitt called the night before and claiming this is exactly what Barack had been planning all along, but I should've been suspicious.  Mitt also says when a Mormon dies, God puts him in charge of his own personal planet.  I asked which dead Mormon was in charge of this one, and why he wasn't doing a better job, but Mitt didn't have an answer.

So anyway, once I knew Barack's idea was that more people should have healthcare instead of fewer, I put the old cerebrum to work, and came up with an idea.

Bring in the TSA.

Think about it, everyone who goes through the airport gets a personal pat-down and a screening.  How hard would it be to do a little check-up at the same time?  In some cases, they'd just have to say, "Now cough," and they'd be providing the same service for free that my doctor charges a Lexus payment for.  Juice up those rotating x-ray devices and you could check for broken bones and lung spots while you're looking for weapons.

I put this idea to Barack, but I'm afraid he wasn't listening.  He mumbled something about Bill Clinton and backstabbing Judases and hung up.

Oh well, I come up with brilliant ideas all that time that nobody pays attention to.  Meantime, something else occurred to me.  If Mitt's going to be in charge of an entire planet, why did he want so badly to be a mere president?

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