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Thursday, November 28, 2013

My Ongoing Correspondence with Zarina Al-Usman Part II

Bismillahir Rahmanir Raheem


Dear Martin,

As-Salaam Alykum warahmathullahi wabarkathuhu

I am very happy in receiving your message, I believe you might have taken your time in reading and understanding my previous mail before replying me; My only concern is to make sure my promise to Allah is accomplished, that is why as a devoted woman in Islam I want to channel this money through you because I have the believe in my mind that you can help bring this project to reality, Insha Allah.

It might surprise you when you received this message but we all know that our ways are not Allah’s way, and pray that Allah will help strengthen you to use this money in the places of good importance so that the widows and the vulnerable will benefit from it, don’t forget that I am a victim of such circumstance and knows the kind of sufferings and humiliations widows undergo from their late husband’s family members.

Please, you should understand that this benevolence is in fulfillment of the desire and decision I have taken which I am persuaded to actualize, this fund is designated for humanitarian and Charity services with special emphasis on widows, which must be disbursed with every appropriation, accountability and prudence to the glory of Allah, Most Merciful and Most gracious.
I have been staying in the hospital all these days and my health conditions is not in good shape, I have believed in Allah for his wish to be done in my situation because He gives and takes life. Presently I neither walk nor stand with my feet, I move on wheel chair, you can emerging when an old woman of my age is suffering from such severe and serious illness.

Doctors have confirmed long time ago after series of diagnosis that I am suffering from Hypoglycemia (chronic cancer). Please help me thank Sister Angela, she is a wonderful person with good heart, she is the person helping in writing this mail because writing is very difficult for me and if am not allowed to use phone because of my condition.

I want you to take this project very serious and always respond very fast so we can conclude the fund transfer process before entering the theater because I have series of surgeries to undergo.
As soon as hear from I will inform my late husband about my decision to appoint you for this task so that he will give you the necessary legal advice and backup required for a successful wire transfer. I will also inform him to prepare an AUTHORIZATION LETTER for you, that is to legally and officially adopt you as my new beneficiary of the fund, the authorization letter will be submitted to the bank so that bank will release the fund to you, So that even if I am no more, your claim background will not have any doubt. I will send you the certificate of deposit of the fund together with the authorization letter as soon as you are ready.

Thanks and may Allah bless us all.

(Message on behalf of)
Mrs. Zarina Al-Usman

Dear Ms Al-Usman,
I am so glad you were still alive enough to respond to my last email.

Actually, it does not surprise me at all that I should have been selected from billions of people to handle your largess; I am quite certain this sort of thing happens all the time. By the way, and this issue has not quite been settled, exactly how large is the largess we're talking about here. I'm willing to undertake the handling of any sum from 15 million USD all the way down to 7 million USD but I'd like to know in advance where the exact figure falls so I can map out all the charitable good I can do. (Parenthetically, I will say that I myself am an orphan, and just the other day, my wife made a cryptic remark that if I left the toilet seat up one more time, she expected to become a widow, so I think in all justice, a certain amount of the moolah should end up with yours truly, don't you?)

Certain parts of your transmission appear to have been garbled, but part of this is no doubt due to differences in our religious backgrounds. I personally was raised Episcopalian, so I haven't had many dealings with Allah, but he sounds like a real nice guy and someone I'd like to meet. I'm not sure exactly what expressions like warahmathullahi mean, but I assume it's something like "have a nice day" or "good on you." If that is the case, please accept my "back at you" and "akuna-matada" in return.

Finally, and again I apologize for any indelicacy, but your doctors haven't mentioned any words like "brain tumor" or "schizophrenia" in your diagnosis, have they? The reason I bring this up is that you say you'll be getting in touch with your late husband. This is very disturbing. I cannot even tell you how disturbing this is. If it's all the same to you, I'd rather leave our deceased loved ones out of this entirely and keep things between our lawyers and ourselves. I hope you do not consider this narrow-minded, but that's the way we do things here in the states.

Speaking of diagnoses, exactly which hospital are you at? I ask because I take it you are Islamic, but the email you typed was with the assistance of Sister Angela. I'm just wondering, because if you're a Muslim in a Catholic Hospital it's possible, just barely possible, that they're pulling your leg. For example, I'm pretty sure hypoglycemia is not the word for chronic cancer. (I'd keep an eye on Sister Angela, too. Her erratic transcription of your letter may be an attempt at risibility.) I met a kid at Summer Camp named Payton Bridges who was Catholic, and he was a real cut-up, I can tell you. If you're wondering how to tell if your doctors are just ribbing you, or if you actually have a terminal illness, see if you can catch them giggling in the hallway when you think they're not around. Look for squirt flowers in their lab coats.

One of them isn't named Payton or Dr Bridges, is he?

Meanwhile, I look forward to getting the AUTHORIZATION LETTER from your lawyer.

Best wishes,
Man Martin

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