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Friday, November 15, 2013

Marital Immune Deficiency

"Welsh Corgis," he will mutter to himself,
"are not so bad as I once imagined."
Marital Immune Deficiency (MID) is a scientific name I just made up to describe the way married couples transmit and catch infections.  A case in point is that Nancy is just now coming off a week-long bout with a nasty head cold.  True to form, even as she recovers, I'm developing the first symptoms myself.
This phenomenon has been documented for a long time, nor does it limit itself to microbes, bacteria, or fungi; any transmittable condition will do.  For example, suppose the husband belongs to some lunatic fringe political party; the South Moluckan Social Democratic Communist Free Masons, for example.  Well, by and by, the wife will also become a South Moluckan Social Democrat Communist Free Mason, if in fact, she wasn't already.  Many such conditions are transmitted during courtship, or both spouses may have been infected simultaneously.

Another instance.  A woman is a fancier of Welsh  Corgis.  She not only owns two, and takes them to competitions, she subscribes to Welsh Corgi Monthly, and has a Welsh Corgi App on her smartphone.  She is chair of the local Welsh Corgi Board.  Her husband is tolerant of this, but nothing more.  "I love Dora," he tells his friends.  "She's a fine woman and Friday nights meets me at the door dressed in nothing but Saran Wrap, but as far as the Welsh Corgi thing, whoo-hoo."  At this juncture he will point at his ear and make little circles with his index finger, indicating that such fascination with the Welsh Corgi is a sign of mental instability.  But then it will come to pass, as the night the day, that one day he will look upon a Welsh Corgi with a kinder and gentler eye.  "Welsh Corgis," he will mutter to himself, "are not so bad as I once imagined.  In fact, they are a fine and worthy breed."  And then he will find himself asking his wife where she put the most recent copy Welsh Corgi Monthly because there was an article on foot pad fungus he hadn't finished.

Much the same thing has happened in the Martin household regarding chickens.  When we first got chickens, Nancy was merely humoring an inexplicable whim of her husband's.  But now that our chicken inventory has shrunk to one, she's lobbying to get another.  She claims Sorche is lonely for another chicken, but it's really Nancy herself.

Of course, not all conditions are transmittable.  I, for example, have a common male visual impairment that prevents me from seeing when the floor needs sweeping or laundry putting away.  Decades of cohabitation with Nancy have not altered this.

But I hear you protesting, MID is not always transmitted.  What about Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise or Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise or whoever else and Tom Cruise.  Shouldn't those ladies have been infected with a belief in Body Thetans and the evil Dictator Xenu?  But notice, they're not with Tom Cruise anymore are they?  I would contend that although they were married, they were never married married.

True love does not merely transmit infections, it is one.

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