I Heart Indies

Thursday, October 24, 2013

Why I Never Make The Yahoo Headlines

Every morning when I log into my email, I'm treated to another spate of celebrities who've won renown, evidently by wearing clothes.  Sandra Bullock, I am told, "rocks" a designer gown.  Heidi Klum looks great in a leopard-print skirt but not so great as another celebrity.  (I'm supposed to click on the headline to find out who the other celebrity is.)  Miley Cyrus showed up somewhere in a backless evening gown.  (What?  Not frontless as well?)

I now realize why I have failed to rise to the pinnacle of internet fame: I wear the same clothes every day.  (Not the same clothes, that would make me famous for the wrong reasons, but the same clothes.  You know what I mean.)  Workdays, I wear the school uniform: green shirt and khaki pants.  Other days I wear shorts and a tee-shirt or jeans and a tee-shirt depending on the weather.  That's it.  I sleep in my boxer shorts.

A headline about me would run: "Martin Dazzles in Green and...  Oh, Wait a Minute.  He Wore That Yesterday, Only This Time, There's a Coffee Stain on the Shirt."  This is not the sort of thing the inquiring public wants to read.  The problem is, I don't own any backless outfits or leopard-print anything.  I don't have any clothes to rock.  My closet and drawers are filled with green shirts, khaki pants, tee-shirts, shorts, and jeans.  It's all I have.

I'm doomed to obscurity.

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