Every morning when I log into my email, I'm treated to another spate of celebrities who've won renown, evidently by wearing clothes. Sandra Bullock, I am told, "rocks" a designer gown. Heidi Klum looks great in a leopard-print skirt but not so great as another celebrity. (I'm supposed to click on the headline to find out who the other celebrity is.) Miley Cyrus showed up somewhere in a backless evening gown. (What? Not frontless as well?)
I now realize why I have failed to rise to the pinnacle of internet fame: I wear the same clothes every day. (Not the same clothes, that would make me famous for the wrong reasons, but the same clothes. You know what I mean.) Workdays, I wear the school uniform: green shirt and khaki pants. Other days I wear shorts and a tee-shirt or jeans and a tee-shirt depending on the weather. That's it. I sleep in my boxer shorts.
A headline about me would run: "Martin Dazzles in Green and... Oh, Wait a Minute. He Wore That Yesterday, Only This Time, There's a Coffee Stain on the Shirt." This is not the sort of thing the inquiring public wants to read. The problem is, I don't own any backless outfits or leopard-print anything. I don't have any clothes to rock. My closet and drawers are filled with green shirts, khaki pants, tee-shirts, shorts, and jeans. It's all I have.