|Some government functions, I admit we can't do without|
The Department for Ensuring Deodorant has the Precise Gummy Viscosity so When You Put on a Polo-Shirt, It Rubs Off and Leaves Mysterious White Stripes Across Your Abdomen
The Bureau that Sees to it That Hot Dogs Come in Packs of Eight, but Hot Dog Buns in Packs of Twelve
The Undersecretary for Putting Those Little Red Rings Around Baloney
Chief Deputy of Seeing to It That Any Ink Pen Carelessly Left in A Pants Pocket Will Explode
The Committee for Guaranteeing Pizza is Served So Hot, The First Bite Removes the Skin from the Roof of Your Mouth
I hope I don't come across as some anti-government kook, but by eliminating these wasteful and counterproductive activities, the nation can get back to the serious business of robotic drones spying on my pathetic attempts to throw a football.