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Thursday, October 3, 2013

The Great Thing About Social Media

is it's actually anti-social.  This is a boon to all us closet misanthropes out there who secretly loathe humans and would rather not bother with them.  The smell of their bodies, the sound of their voices, the touch of their flesh.  Ugh.

Civilization, which in the last century made such strides hiding the poor from us so we didn't have to deal with them, will soon make it possible not to have to deal with anybody.

Think about it.  On Facebook, being a "Friend" is simply a matter of pushing a button.  Away with all those tedious visits, going to concerts or movies together, visiting one another in the hospital, listening to all those BOR-ing whines about, "Oh, my job is so hard," or "Oh, my wife doesn't understand me," "Oh, chemotherapy makes me so tired!"  Blah-blah-blah.

When someone posts pictures of a new baby or an earthquake in Peru, it's all the same.  Just press "Like" and you've expressed decent human interest.  The same for birthdays; no need to remember when someone was born still less to actually consider the date important.  Facebook will remind you to send a birthday message!  And instead of sending them only to people you actually care about - and other than yourself, who is that, really? - you can send a birthday message to everyone!  At some point, I believe Facebook will be so fully automated, that you won't have to log in at all, it will carry out all your social interactions for you.  Won't that be a time-saver.

Go to any restaurant, and you'll see what I mean.  Once, in the dreary long-ago, people in restaurants had to talk to each other.  And if they didn't have anything to say, they had to maintain eye-contact until they thought of something.  I don't care how good the moo shu pork was, it wasn't worth it.  Now look around, and everyone is texting on their cellphones.  No one has to even look at whom they're actually with, obviously someone equally bored and boring, because she's on her cellphone, too, contentedly tapping away.  And when that source of entertainment runs dry, she's off to find another one.

What a wonderful world technology has given us.  The other day, I spoke to an answering machine which said to me, "Have a blessed day."  My heart filled with joy.  To be blessed by an answering machine!  Once, a blessing took personal contact, you might even have to know something about the person you were blessing, but now you can bless the world even as God blesses the world.  From a distance.

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