|Boehner: Exploding the sun and|
blasting the earth to cinders,
a "last resort"
"Global Warming, No Big Woop," says Senator James Inhofe, Republican of Oklahoma. "Even if sea levels do rise a couple of feet, people on the coast just need to wear waders, that's all."
"Global nuclear war isn't all that bad when you get right down to it," Florida Senator Marco Rubio claims. "Yes, there'd be significant property damage, no doubt about that, and some very valuable real estate would probably be uninhabitable for the next five millennia or so, but as long as we have our massive secret underground shelters, we can preserve our freedom and our American way of life, and isn't that the important thing?"
"Exploding the sun and blasting the earth into cinders is obviously a last resort," Speaker of the House John Boehner says. "But we're sure Obama will listen to reason before it comes to that. Still, it's not like we couldn't muddle through for a while. For example, you could turn your pillow over to the cool side. That might buy you a couple of extra precious seconds."