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Monday, September 9, 2013

Shelter

A Southern California company is building luxury survivalist bunkers complete with wide-screen TVs, plumbing, and bunk-beds. They start at about $65 thousand dollars and that doesn't include the cost of digging a big enough hole. - Associated Press

So what's it going to take to put you in a new bomb shelter this afternoon? Take a step inside our show room model, enjoy the soft Corinthian leather seats, switch on the flat screen tv and enjoy your DVDs of your favorite movies and tv shows. Relax in air-conditioned comfort and nibble on freeze-dried grapes. How long will the generators hold out? Well, I'll have to check with the manufacturer specs on that and get back to you.

I know what you're thinking. "I can't afford this kind of luxury." But thanks to our low, low prices and high-volume sales, I can get you into this baby for a mere sixty-five thousand dollars. That's right, sixty-five k and you can enjoy the kind of luxury and peace of mind already shared by presidents and Saudi oil sheikhs. And, hey, if you finance one of these beauties over thirty years, the last payment won't be until 2043. Do you really think we'll go that much longer without a nuclear war?

"But won't my neighbors think I'm snobbish," you say?  "Won't they think I'm 'putting on airs' when they're scratching with bleeding fingers at the bolted metal door (Look at the bolt on that bad boy. That's solid, drop-forged steel) pleading to be let in or at least to be put out of their misery?"

Well, maybe.

Remember, after the nuclear holocaust, the living will envy the dead, but we say why not be one of the living that the dead who are envied by the living envy? Am I right, or am I right?

So can we outfit you with one of our luxury bomb shelters today?

Excellent. Now just step over here to our financing department.

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