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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

Other Architectural Menaces

Bright light reflecting from a unfinished skyscraper in the City of London is so intense it has melted part of a Jaguar car, it has been reported. Developers of the "Walkie-Talkie", so-called for its distinctive shape, are investigating reports of the damaging glare, while a number of nearby car parking spaces have been suspended, City A.M. said. - Press Association
The Penwark Skyscraper, known to Cincinnati residents as Mr. Potato Head because of its peculiar appearance is so ugly it has been blamed for numerous psychotic breakdowns and any number of nightmares.  "Lord, that thing is repulsive," a city-dweller who refused to give her name said, "I have to keep my eyes turned away every time I go past it.  The architect must've hit it with the ugly stick."
A twenty story building in Freemont, Dakota, is so bland-looking, people fail to notice it.  Broken noses, contusions, and one concussion have been reported from people who simply walked into the side of the building "forgetting it was there."  When  asked for a comment, City Manager Dick Purvis said, "Skyscraper?  What skyscraper?"
A misguided Baton Rouge architect modeled his most ambitious masterpiece on the Sears Tower in Chicago; however, he did not allow for the soft substrate in Louisiana.  The result was an eight-story tall building with a 100-story deep basement.
The Yanner-Nanner-Nanner Towers in Detroit, Michigan may be one more reason the city is in such trouble.  The high concept skyscrapers were inspired by the childhood taunt, "I'm rubber and you're glue."  Workers have been unable to leave the Glue Building, and in the Rubber Building, an unfortunate mail clerk fell twenty stories down an elevator shaft, then sixteen stories, then twelve stories, nine stories, seven stories, five stories, three stories, before finally bouncing to a stop.

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